Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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