If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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