I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
