OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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