I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
