why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
