so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We're too hungover to prance.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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