I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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