I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
