Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
