That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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