It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
