I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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