this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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