Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
