I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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