I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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