what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
