I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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