I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
