literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
