sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
