this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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