i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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