im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
