If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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