I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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