Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
