So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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