I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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