You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
