Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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