Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
