when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
