did you get engaged???
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
