i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
