Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish life had little blips of pornography
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
