I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
