fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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