32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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