Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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