erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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