Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
