My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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