already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
