my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
