Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
