the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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