be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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