I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
