Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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