The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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